Band Break up?

[Vancat]

Hi guys & gals
I am feeling rather sad and sorry because I just got the heave-ho from my band. Anybody else have this happen? It was done gently. I'm just not at the same skill level. But all of them were my friends. We had a great time and I will miss it very much. Just gotta get through these next couple days without tears rolling down my cheeks.

[dberch]

Sorry to hear that, Penny.  Hang in there!

[Vancat]

yeah it's a bummer.
thanks.

[Tycho]

Bands really can be like relationships, can't they?

How about turning this lemon into lemonade? Use your extra time to work on your skills, so that the next time they see you play they'll wonder how they could have ever been so silly as to let you go.

[Vancat]

Yeah, actually they said if I want to try and kick it up a notch and take lessons or whatever for 6 months or so they'd welcome me back. Trouble is I don't even feel like playing my guitar(s) right now. The ordeal sucked something out of me. And I kind of feel like a dufus because I though everything was OK.

Yup, I feel like I broke up with 3 people!
This was my first band and I was kind of talked into it, so now I am very gunshy.

[Tycho]

Don't let it get you down!  Play for yourself and play for fun.

[tuffythepug]

Hey there Penny.   I can imagine how it must feel to be forced out of the band like that.   It does sound like they were not totally heartless about it though since they left the door open for you to return when your skill level improves.  I know it seems like the end of the world right now but, believe me, it's not.   Don't burn any bridges just yet.  If you really love playing guitar then keep on practicing and maybe you can start another band before long.  Chalk it up to experience Penny.  The hurt feelings will diminish before you know it if you allow yourself a few days to grieve over it and then move on.  Anyone who has ever been in a band has experienced something similiar so you aren't alone by a long shot.    No matter what, don't let this discourage you from continuing to learn and enjoy the guitar.  Start going to begginer-friendly open mike nights if you can to build your confidence back up.
You're gonna be fine.   


tuffythepug

[mazareth]

Hi Penny,

I too am sorry to hear about you getting kicked out of the band!

After a several year layoff, I got back into music in '02 as a bass player. I worked my tail off and went from never having played, to doing a gig in 4 months. Like you, I thought that everything was great only to be "fired" after about a year of pretty steady gigging. In my case, another local band broke up and our lead singer/songwriter thought that he would ditch me in favor of the other band's rhythm section (we were without a steady drummer at the time). I was pretty upset and was doubting my abilities as a bassist. The next day I got a call from our steel guitar player telling me that he had quit when he found out about my firing. He told me I was good player. As icing on the cake, our singer's plans fell through, because the "rhythm section" I mentioned above declined the offer to join the band. We have a smallish scene and we support each other's shows when we can--we all know each other. The rhythm section guys told my old band that they didn't want to play with someone they couldn't trust.

In the end, it ended up being a good thing. I quickly hooked up with another band as a harmonica player/singer/percussionist, and have since been in one other band and two acoustic duos. Each different grouping has helped me grow as a singer/player/performer.

Like some of the others, I agree that you should take this as an opportunity to get better on your instrument. Keeping a band together is really difficult. Music can (at least for me) be a very intimate experience, especially if you put a lot of yourself into your music.

Keep playing and keep an open mind about other people out there in your local scene. Going to open mics is a great way to better yourself as performer, and also a great place to meet other players. Your next band may already be out there. You just don't know it yet!

Keep us posted...

Mark

[Vancat]

Hey peeps,
thanks. That all really helps.  It really complicates matters when your bandmates are your friends (or at least were). It being my first experience, it kind of tainted something in me. I still haven't picked up the guitar yet. I don't want to hear the songs we played. But you are right and I can't let it stop me. Gotta get back up on the horse! Maybe next week.   
penny

[rockstar_not]

Here's one way to turn the lemons into lemonade:

www.fawm.org

FAWM stands for: February is Album Writing Month.

It's a challenge to write and record 14 songs in the month of February.  Even if it's as simple as recording into the microphone of your laptop or a boombox, the creative juices really get flowing.

I participated for the first time in 2007 and I met the challenge - I wrote and recorded 14 songs in the month of February 2007 - some of which were keepers for me.

You'll find a new community amongst the songwriters as well as have access to some truly great songs for download.

Give it a shot.  You can sign up on the www.fawm.org website to be notified when the main webpage opens up for song submissions and so forth.

-Scott

[bluesman67]

Don't be discouraged.  Similarly, 7 years ago I got together with a few guys to play rock and blues.  We practiced for a few months before I got the axe.  I didn't see it coming either and pretty much felt like you do now.  The thing is, we aren't the best judges of our own skills.  I am sure you have ideas on areas that need improvement. Start recording yourself, you will hear something different from what you think you sounded like and can learn from it.   Take the time to improve and learn from the experience.  Edison failed at 20 different attempts at inviting the lightbulb.  If you love the guitar, keep it going.

[saintandsinnerguy]

I feel your pain.  A band is so much more than making music.....it is a fellowship.  I've felt like kicking myself out the group I play in because I am so much below their playing that I feel inadequate.  Keep your chin up, there will be more opportunities.  I feel your pain though.  Blessings

[DaveyO]

years ago when I played bass, I needed some work on my car or get a blown speaker fixed ,so I told the drummer of the band I was in that I would be out for a week or so, he also was the one who put the band together.
I needed the car of course before the cabinet , but he went and replaced me the  next day!
Heartless dude, after we had put in months of practice.
Oh well, I found another band and never saw him again. Jerk.

No biggie ,find someone else (you will) and dont ever stop playing.

these days I jam on occasion , but mainly play for myself, family keeps me busy,as well as work .\

i plan on getting better myself , so I can blow away my buddys when we jam again.

Just do it. screw them,things happen for a reason.

good luck!
Dave

[Vancat]

YEAH
Screw em!!!!!
 

[tuffythepug]

YEAH
Screw em!!!!!
 

Thatta Girl.  Way to bounce back.

[brion]

Try to remain friends with them.  I always found my technique suffers when I'm in bands.  Usually after I've been in a band I find I need to touch up on things that were neglected because the band's style did not utilise all of my technique.  If you remain friends with the members, maybe your next project could open for them or play a few tunes at one of their gigs.  Often it's who you know not what you know that gives you an edge.

[Vancat]

Yeah, thanks. I tried!
Unfortunately over a week's worth of increasingly honest emails, I realized that the gal who fired me (the captain of the ship) is really no friend of mine. She went from kind to really quite mean- and I decided this person is not worth the effort I had put forth to try & remain friends. On the upside, I have begun a new course of guitar study...FOR MYSELF!
thanks. I really wish I could have remained friends. But it's all good. I have learned lessons about bands. people, "friends", and myself.

[flatlander]

I find all these post to have excellant advice. Read all of them a couple times.
Also you can see if if get anything out of how things went for me.
I was not a wizz bang player in my teens or early 20's but I was creative and different. I backed off from trying to play jazz which I loved and concentrated on playing rootsier stuff and getting songs down pat and writing songs. I started out solo
and because I put emphesis on rythm and having a large pool of songs to draw on, pickers who were better players than me enjoyed playing with me. So even though I wasn't Mr. super picker, I was one forming and leading bands. Then I pretty much just let them play, only mentioning things that I REALLY didn't think fit. That worked pretty good for everyone. I could take the time I needed to get songs down on my own time, mostly play songs I wanted to play, and they had the freedom to play in thier style and help develop songs, especailly originals. I don't think I would have had nearly as much band time and certainly wouldn't have been as happy, being someone elses guitar player.
People need to remember as well that there is a lot to be said for keeping players together if possible. If you're not in too big a hurry, or trying to feed kids, patience is a virtue. I've seen little groups starting out on a very low level that I wouldn't have ever dreamed would become anything, but they stuck together and worked  on a common vision and became successful. A real chemistry developes over time and skills develope as you're working on goals.
So keep on truckin. I had to disolve my best band which was my vehicle for playing my orignals because of too much poison.
(hung it up when guitar player disappeared while we were in studio only to be found after session passed out under a bush, and coming to find out he's been going fast for a couple of days with no sleep)I knew as well that I could fall in pit so that was it. That left big empty spot and I knew it was going to be hard or impossible to get that energy level back, but just kept on. Played solo and in small groups I've formed ever since off and on and have actually become a decent player. Music can be a lifetime of enjoyment and also purpose and something to work on. KEEP ON!