Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Playing the Blues  (Read 1610 times)
Moonray13s
Member
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 49




Ignore
« on: May 30, 2006, 07:26:44 PM »

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores, here are some very  fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or  anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13.Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are not Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
Logged

Ray
San Diego

Larrivee D-03
Washburn D-11
Barefoot Rob
Donuts?
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 14011




Ignore
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2006, 08:40:59 PM »

Thanks.LOL. :GRN>
Logged

A REPAIRPERSON,Still Unclrob
OM03PA
Favorite saying
 OB LA DE OB LA DA,LIFE GOES ON---BRA,It is what it is,You just gotta deal it,
One By One The Penguins Steal My Sanity*Eat The Rich*, Keith and Barefoot Rob on youtube
Still unclrob
#19
12 people ignoring me,so cool
www.rpjguitarworks.com
Call PM me I may b
Dan1954
Senior Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 318




Ignore
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2006, 11:10:31 PM »

 :GRN> ^_^ :GRN> ^_^ :WNK>


I love it!!!
Logged

Dan
Ypsilanti, Michigan

Fender F 265-C
Larrivee OM-03
Gibson SG 62' Reissue
Washburn Rover
Late 60's Crestwood Astral II


Randy_R
Gold Member
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 7408


WWW

Ignore
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2006, 11:16:24 PM »

 ^_^  :GRN>
Logged

Randy R., Georgia, USA
Opinions available. Inquire about qty discount.
Forum Guitar III LS03 #15 ser no 108519
nineowls
Member
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 37




Ignore
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2006, 02:22:41 AM »

You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

Rain, pain and heat will draw the soul out a'right
Logged

Forum II #4 of 10
cigarbox guitar #3 of 3

Jasmine S35 (for sale)
Fergy07
Gold Member
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 1415




Ignore
« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2006, 01:31:51 PM »

 -_-
Way too funny for the first thing in the morning before coffee kicks in.

Andy
Logged

Larrivee OM9
Larrivee PO-09 Koa
Breedlove SN20
Webber 000 Cedar/Maple
Daysailer
Senior Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 984




Ignore
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2006, 01:02:20 AM »

 ^_^
Logged

L-03 BlackWood..... "Pluck"
OM-03- MT Forum #14/17
F-III IS/Hog #63/78....SOLD
Seagull Artist Folk
Pono and Kanile'a Tenor Ukulele's
The real Day Sailer...1966 Day Sailer..the boat, not the person
D4ve
Senior Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 943




Ignore
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2006, 10:33:59 AM »

Very funny. Good post
Logged

Larrivee D60
Taylor 422 Maple
Delux Tele Plus
woody b
Senior Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 112




Ignore
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2006, 08:45:52 PM »

You can't play the blues with coated strings!!!!!
Logged
12barBill
Senior Member
***
Offline Offline

Posts: 440


WWW

Ignore
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2006, 02:42:24 PM »

"You can't sing the blues in an air conditioned room."

Playing the blues is about making you feel good... lifting you up. There's something very uplifting about the 12 bar blues chord progression. In the words of Jay Spell, "You can't play 12 bar blues and feel bad... it won't let you."
Logged
Tycho
Gold Member
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 2816




Ignore
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2006, 03:06:43 PM »

Quote
Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or  anywhere in Canada.


Hey, wait a minute!!!
Logged

D-03RE
D-03-12

...and several other guitars.
ronmac
Gold Member
****
Offline Offline

Posts: 4051


WWW

Ignore
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2006, 04:06:07 PM »

Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or  anywhere in Canada.

Hey, wait a minute!!!


Dang! I'm gonna hafta cancel a whole lot of gigs... (and to not be able to sing a Blues song about that is gonna hurt..)  :UND>
Logged

Ron

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to: