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Main Forums => Non-Guitar Discussion => Topic started by: Paraclete on March 05, 2018, 08:25:54 PM



Title: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 05, 2018, 08:25:54 PM
I play in the band at my church every Sunday.  Yesterday, we had a substitute on bass who also happens to be the mom of one of the vocalists.  There was one tune that everyone really wanted me to play cajon on (because we donít have a drummer at the moment), but I really preferred to play acoustic, since the first part of the tune was fingerpicking.  So the mom asked her daughter (who is a high schooler), if she could play the song on my guitar?  Say what?!  And didnít ask me if I was okay with that?!  Yeah, and that was my LSV-11, not the Seagull.  Needless to say, I insisted on playing guitar (even though I switched to cajon halfway through the tune.)

Anyone else ever dealt with people that think they or others have a right to play your guitar (without permission) if you arenít playing it at the moment?  Anyone have any tactful ideas of how to address the issue?  This is church, and I was trying not to make a scene. Why do I feel like others will treat me like Iím being selfish by having problems with others, especially kids, handling my not-so-cheap guitar?  :mad:


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: George on March 05, 2018, 08:40:12 PM
Tell them you don't let anyone play your ten thousand dollar guitar.  Doesn't matter it did not cost that much, it is worth that and more to you.  They back up every time...


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Mikeymac on March 05, 2018, 08:50:11 PM
I think George is on the right track. Tell the person politely that it is a very expensive instrument, and you are uncomfortable with others playing it, since, while no one ever intends an accident to happen, that's why they're called "accidents". If they don't understand that, then they're socially inept, and however they respond is not your problem.

This is one of the blessings of playing lefty. There's seldom another lefty player to "share" my instruments with.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: eded on March 05, 2018, 09:02:31 PM
My guitars arenít so precious that I wonít let people play them...  unless they are too drunk.  The people, not my guitars.

I decided a long time ago if an instrument was too precious to play and share, I didnít need it.

Ed


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: George on March 05, 2018, 11:47:12 PM
I am to much of a perfectionist; I keep my guitars extraordinarily clean and am very careful to not damage them, no matter their worth...

My worst experience from allowing someone to play one of my good guitars is that they acted like they knew what they were doing up front and then left buckle rash damage all over the back from just a couple of minutes of playing.  I vowed never again...

My second worst experience was not from allowing someone to play one, it was from me being too dumb to realize one of my wild ones (both human and furry children) would knock it off the stand unexpectedly...

the safest place for any guitar, at any time it is not being played, is in its case...


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: C-10-4-me on March 06, 2018, 01:35:48 AM
I play in the band at my church every Sunday.  Yesterday, we had a substitute on bass who also happens to be the mom of one of the vocalists.  There was one tune that everyone really wanted me to play cajon on (because we donít have a drummer at the moment), but I really preferred to play acoustic, since the first part of the tune was fingerpicking.  So the mom asked her daughter (who is a high schooler), if she could play the song on my guitar?  Say what?!  And didnít ask me if I was okay with that?!  Yeah, and that was my LSV-11, not the Seagull.  Needless to say, I insisted on playing guitar (even though I switched to cajon halfway through the tune.)

Anyone else ever dealt with people that think they or others have a right to play your guitar (without permission) if you arenít playing it at the moment?  Anyone have any tactful ideas of how to address the issue?  This is church, and I was trying not to make a scene. Why do I feel like others will treat me like Iím being selfish by having problems with others, especially kids, handling my not-so-cheap guitar?  :mad:
I can really relate to this. My late father in law was a pastor who played his old Martin in church every week, and inevitably someone would ask to play his guitar. He never had the heart to say No, so his guitar suffered the consequences. Itís downright sad what people will do to someone elseís guitar. I guess that comes from not having any skin in the game.

I have several guitars so when someone asks to play one that I donít want them to play, Iíll offer them an alternate guitar, one that has a bruise on it already. Short of that, I politely tell them I donít let anyone play my expensive guitars.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Silence Dogood on March 06, 2018, 02:42:46 AM
Many years ago I read a church guitar horror story on the old AGF/original Taylor forum.  Some kid had saved a pile of money for a long time and bought a nice Takamine.  He brought it to church to play.  Some other kid asked to use it during a song he was going to play with someone else.  The kid used an extra heavy pick and sawed away as he played.  The poor owner sat and watched as the pick dug grooves into the top of his new guitar.  The moron who did it sort of shrugged it off and said, ďO man, sorry...Ē  


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 06, 2018, 03:16:39 AM
My guitars arenít so precious that I wonít let people play them...  unless they are too drunk.  The people, not my guitars.

I decided a long time ago if an instrument was too precious to play and share, I didnít need it.

Ed

I donít necessarily have a problem with competent guitarist trying out my guitar.  But I do have a huge problem with people thinking they have a right to play it without even asking


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 06, 2018, 03:22:23 AM
Many years ago I read a church guitar horror story on the old AGF/original Taylor forum.  Some kid had saved a pile of money for a long time and bought a nice Takamine.  He brought it to church to play.  Some other kid asked to use it during a song he was going to play with someone else.  The kid used an extra heavy pick and sawed away as he played.  The poor owner sat and watched as the pick dug grooves into the top of his new guitar.  The moron who did it sort of shrugged it off and said, ďO man, sorry...Ē  

This same kid to whom that mom thought it was appropriate to hand my guitar without permission once picked up a different Larrivťe onstage (there are three of us that play Larrivťes).    It was left handed, strung right, and she just starting banging away right handed on it with a pick....and because it was a lefty, the pick guard was opposite.  Ugh!  Again, no permission sought.  My guitar doesnít even have pickguard!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 06, 2018, 03:25:23 AM
I think George is on the right track. Tell the person politely that it is a very expensive instrument, and you are uncomfortable with others playing it, since, while no one ever intends an accident to happen, that's why they're called "accidents". If they don't understand that, then they're socially inept, and however they respond is not your problem.

This is one of the blessings of playing lefty. There's seldom another lefty player to "share" my instruments with.

Thatís likely what Iím going to have to do.  I just felt really awkward having to potentially address the issue in the middle of a rehearsal!  Read my comment about the lefty Larrivťe that one of the band members has onstage sometimes....itís strung right, but setup left.  That is a whole different mess!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: eded on March 06, 2018, 03:40:17 AM
I donít necessarily have a problem with competent guitarist trying out my guitar.  But I do have a huge problem with people thinking they have a right to play it without even asking

I donít necessarily have a problem with competent guitarist trying out my guitar.  But I do have a huge problem with people thinking they have a right to play it without even asking

Yeah, understood.

I guess Iíve been lucky...  for a long time Iíve been surrounded by folks who know to ask (and arenít offended if I hesitate).  I know people whoís kids have taken up guitar.  Pretty often, Iím the guy who jams a guitar in their hands and enthusiastically asks them to wow me. 

My wife is a trained oboe and saxophonist, and we talk about this sometimes....  the inexperienced players get the worst ďstudentĒ instruments.  Itís great to see them play an instrument they donít have to fight with.

But yeah...  the folks who grab without asking are irritating.

Ed


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Barefoot Rob on March 06, 2018, 03:54:30 AM
I once had a player who was asked to sit in on one song by the other guitar player in the band,though I didn't want to every one said he cool.Well he was cool until he walked off stage and handed me back my guitar and said the guitar was a pice of "pig s**t".I told him if he ever wants to sit in with us again to bring his own guitar and amp.I told the other guitar player what he said over the mic and next time he should give up his guitar.The people in there sit's and the rest of the band were shocked.I no longer allow anyone play my guitars or sit in.If they ask all I have to say now is "i use 14-58's and I don't think they can handle it".Most get scare off by the gauge of strings any way.
If someone come's close to my guitars I stop them on the spot and give my best look of "touch and die".


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Riverbend on March 06, 2018, 10:44:31 AM
Tough situation to be in, no doubt. On one hand, I love sharing my guitars, and particularly my Larrivees, but with considerations. The person has to possess the wherewithal to appreciate the guitar and the circumstances. If I don't feel they understand what's going on, and I'd guess this group knows what I mean by that, then it either becomes a polite refusal or a risk we may or may not be willing to take. Just because someone can strum a few cowboy chords doesn't mean they truly appreciate the beauty and nature of the instrument. And similarly, I've known excellent players whom I wouldn't let near my guitars for fear of damage by their heavy technique.
I was asked by a complete stranger if he could play my pretty new at the time Larrivee LV with IAS top. It was at a public in-the-park weekly jam. There were a lot of people watching and this guy pops up off his blanket where he was watching with his wife and young kids and asks to play a song for his wife using my guitar. He made a lot of promises and claimed to understand the circumstances. I made him one promise...that if I felt he was abusing my guitar in any way I would stop his song and most likely embarrass the heck out of him. He did really well! He also loved his first opportunity to play a Larrivee.  
Now, having said all that, entitlement, as in your situation, is a whole 'nother story. I'd've just said "no, sorry but it's still too new and I don't let others play it", or something of the sort. If it's looking like the kid (and mom) might be an ongoing presence, maybe having a cheap backup church guitar might help the kid out.   


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: tlp2 on March 06, 2018, 02:04:28 PM
Quote
unless they are too drunk.  The people, not my guitars.

I do NOT let my guitars play with other people when drunk.

They are NOT to be trusted.

The guitars, not the people.

 :angry:

 :laughin:


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 06, 2018, 06:39:47 PM

Hi Paraclete,

When the answer is "No", the reason doesn't matter.

When people ask, I reply "No, I don't do that."  While "I don't do that" is unnecessary and redundant, it is emphatic and correctly conveys that I'm not open to discussion.

Given the context where this situation arose for you, this shouldn't be a difficult concept.



I play in the band at my church every Sunday.  Yesterday, we had a substitute on bass who also happens to be the mom of one of the vocalists.  There was one tune that everyone really wanted me to play cajon on (because we donít have a drummer at the moment), but I really preferred to play acoustic, since the first part of the tune was fingerpicking.  So the mom asked her daughter (who is a high schooler), if she could play the song on my guitar?  Say what?!  And didnít ask me if I was okay with that?!  Yeah, and that was my LSV-11, not the Seagull.  Needless to say, I insisted on playing guitar (even though I switched to cajon halfway through the tune.)

Anyone else ever dealt with people that think they or others have a right to play your guitar (without permission) if you arenít playing it at the moment?  Anyone have any tactful ideas of how to address the issue?  This is church, and I was trying not to make a scene. Why do I feel like others will treat me like Iím being selfish by having problems with others, especially kids, handling my not-so-cheap guitar?  :mad:


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: eded on March 06, 2018, 09:29:38 PM
I do NOT let my guitars play with other people when drunk.

They are NOT to be trusted.

The guitars, not the people.

 :angry:

 :laughin:

I've been working at keeping my guitars in line.    :laughin:

Ed


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Walkerman on March 06, 2018, 11:59:12 PM
I have some friends I let play my guitars.  No one else.  I just say, I am sorry, but my guitars are not lenders.  If they donít like it, well, they are my guitars and I have pretty thick skin.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: 247hoopsfan on March 07, 2018, 01:29:39 AM
The only 2 dings my JCL 40th Anniversary Edition has came from a guy who borrowed it on stage and bumped into a microphone stand.  It was almost new at the time and even though they are small, they are on the front on that beautiful spruce top.  I havenít let it bother me too much.  These days I use both the JCL and my Goodall on stage on Sundays.  I do let others play them but it doesnít happen too often.  I think it is the biblical concept of stewardship: Take care of and use the talents and gifts God has given to us.  And also remember they really belong to him....


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: mike in lytle on March 07, 2018, 02:31:39 AM
 :donut :donut2 :coffee
I am a hermit.
No one except Danny has played any of my guitars, except one guy who works at the music shop who asked if he could play my BZ when I took it in for a set up.
It was really cool to hear the guitar in the hands of a pro.
Mike


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:26:06 AM
I do NOT let my guitars play with other people when drunk.

They are NOT to be trusted.

The guitars, not the people.

 :angry:

 :laughin:

 :roll


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:28:11 AM
I once had a player who was asked to sit in on one song by the other guitar player in the band,though I didn't want to every one said he cool.Well he was cool until he walked off stage and handed me back my guitar and said the guitar was a pice of "pig s**t".I told him if he ever wants to sit in with us again to bring his own guitar and amp.I told the other guitar player what he said over the mic and next time he should give up his guitar.The people in there sit's and the rest of the band were shocked.I no longer allow anyone play my guitars or sit in.If they ask all I have to say now is "i use 14-58's and I don't think they can handle it".Most get scare off by the gauge of strings any way.
If someone come's close to my guitars I stop them on the spot and give my best look of "touch and die".

Ha!  Love the gauge thing!  Anyone who calls your guitar a piece of pig s**t to your face can just go jump off a cliff.  What an arrogant a**!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:33:46 AM
Tough situation to be in, no doubt. On one hand, I love sharing my guitars, and particularly my Larrivees, but with considerations. The person has to possess the wherewithal to appreciate the guitar and the circumstances. If I don't feel they understand what's going on, and I'd guess this group knows what I mean by that, then it either becomes a polite refusal or a risk we may or may not be willing to take. Just because someone can strum a few cowboy chords doesn't mean they truly appreciate the beauty and nature of the instrument. And similarly, I've known excellent players whom I wouldn't let near my guitars for fear of damage by their heavy technique.
I was asked by a complete stranger if he could play my pretty new at the time Larrivee LV with IAS top. It was at a public in-the-park weekly jam. There were a lot of people watching and this guy pops up off his blanket where he was watching with his wife and young kids and asks to play a song for his wife using my guitar. He made a lot of promises and claimed to understand the circumstances. I made him one promise...that if I felt he was abusing my guitar in any way I would stop his song and most likely embarrass the heck out of him. He did really well! He also loved his first opportunity to play a Larrivee.  
Now, having said all that, entitlement, as in your situation, is a whole 'nother story. I'd've just said "no, sorry but it's still too new and I don't let others play it", or something of the sort. If it's looking like the kid (and mom) might be an ongoing presence, maybe having a cheap backup church guitar might help the kid out.   

Sigh...the girl just turned 18, and her parents promised to buy her a nice guitar for her birthday.  After seeing the Larrivťes we have onstage (all three of which are custom or special) they looked into them and realized it was way out of their price range.  So they have an inkling of what an LSV-11 might be worth.  I think the mom just has no boundaries or wants to give her kid a chance to play a really nice guitar.  The mom is only a subsititute bass player at this point....and only because I have chosen to play acoustic and violin instead of bass.  Kid has a guitar.  But it doesnít hold a candle to a Larrivťe.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:35:36 AM
Hi Paraclete,

When the answer is "No", the reason doesn't matter.

When people ask, I reply "No, I don't do that."  While "I don't do that" is unnecessary and redundant, it is emphatic and correctly conveys that I'm not open to discussion.

Given the context where this situation arose for you, this shouldn't be a difficult concept.

Yes, thank you for that.  All these response are the encouragement I need to simply put my foot down and not worry about feelings. 





Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:41:28 AM
The only 2 dings my JCL 40th Anniversary Edition has came from a guy who borrowed it on stage and bumped into a microphone stand.  It was almost new at the time and even though they are small, they are on the front on that beautiful spruce top.  I havenít let it bother me too much.  These days I use both the JCL and my Goodall on stage on Sundays.  I do let others play them but it doesnít happen too often.  I think it is the biblical concept of stewardship: Take care of and use the talents and gifts God has given to us.  And also remember they really belong to him....

Yeah, and thatís where my inner battle comes in.... be a team player and be gracious because to do otherwise comes off as selfish and rude, or stand up for my rights as a musician and person who dropped more money than I could really even afford at the time on a dream guitar.  Iím not hung up on material things, but I also donít think that gives other people a right to step on my toes.  My other option is to go back to playing my Seagull.  I shouldnít have to choose.  But it really comes down to dealing with someone who didnít even bother to ask permission.  She just felt she had the right to hand my guitar to her kid because she wanted me to play the cajon instead....and she is not a regular part of the band in the first place.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 07, 2018, 04:13:44 AM
Hi Paraclete,



Yeah, and thatís where my inner battle comes in.... be a team player and be gracious because to do otherwise comes off as selfish and rude, or stand up for my rights

This feels like an exploration of extremes.

Do you have to be willing to share your possessions to be a team player?

Would you be judged so harshly? And even if you were, would it matter?

Quote
as a musician and person who dropped more money than I could really even afford at the time on a dream guitar.  Iím not hung up on material things, but I also donít think that gives other people a right to step on my toes.
 

This isn't about the money and I encourage you not to make yourself crazy over that point.

It's about: The guitar (any guitar) is your property. You get to decide who will play it.

Quote
My other option is to go back to playing my Seagull.  I shouldnít have to choose.  But it really comes down to dealing with someone who didnít even bother to ask permission.  She just felt she had the right to hand my guitar to her kid because she wanted me to play the cajon instead....and she is not a regular part of the band in the first place.

I would talk to the mother, discreetly and without apology. Simply state that handling your guitars is not appropriate. I would be surprised if she asked why, but if she did, my answer would be, "because it's my guitar".



Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 07, 2018, 04:26:06 AM
Hi Paraclete,

A little more...

I used to host open mic shows and foster community music in various settings. I still do, but I had an epiphany one day. I was walking around a music store and trying out instruments with a mind to buy yet another guitar for other people to play.

I walked out of the store empty-handed, sold or donated all the instruments that I was dragging to shows for others to play.

Now I advertise: Bring your own instrument.

I don't want to put you on the spot - so don't answer, but consider: Would it be easier to donate the Seagull to the church?






Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Queequeg on March 07, 2018, 02:42:52 PM
I'd do my best southern drawl (which ain't very good, truth-be-told).
"beggin' your pardon, ma'am. but that one don't get passed around here."


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 07, 2018, 03:11:20 PM
I have some friends I let play my guitars.  No one else.  I just say, I am sorry, but my guitars are not lenders.  If they donít like it, well, they are my guitars and I have pretty thick skin.
Most of your guitars are works of art. I'd do the same.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:43:37 PM
Hi Paraclete,



This feels like an exploration of extremes.

Do you have to be willing to share your possessions to be a team player?

Would you be judged so harshly? And even if you were, would it matter?

It kind of is...extremes.  Itís the church aspect that is tripping me up.  This is kind of why I posted this, because I need the reality check and maybe the encouragement (or the kick in the pants) to stop thinking that way.  For the most part, the guys in the band would back me up, but there always the ďstop making a sceneĒ thing.  Sometimes it is difficult to be a female instrumentalist.   Like it or not, I do get treated differently....and not by the guys.  And you are right....it doesnít matter.  Iím a permanent member of the band, not a sit-in.
  



Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:49:02 PM
Hi Paraclete,

A little more...

I used to host open mic shows and foster community music in various settings. I still do, but I had an epiphany one day. I was walking around a music store and trying out instruments with a mind to buy yet another guitar for other people to play.

I walked out of the store empty-handed, sold or donated all the instruments that I was dragging to shows for others to play.

Now I advertise: Bring your own instrument.

I don't want to put you on the spot - so don't answer, but consider: Would it be easier to donate the Seagull to the church?






I think I will answer it though.  This kid has her own guitar.  Church doesnt need my Seagull.  Generally speaking, it is expected that you provide your own instruments, unless you are playing piano or drums.  I donít think Iíve ever been to an open mic where instruments are provided!  Thanks for responding and helping me get my priorities straight.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:51:15 PM
I have some friends I let play my guitars.  No one else.  I just say, I am sorry, but my guitars are not lenders.  If they donít like it, well, they are my guitars and I have pretty thick skin.

Considering the guitars (and ukulele) that you have, I think a lot of us would be intimidated at the very thought of being given permission to even hold one of those masterpieces!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 07, 2018, 03:54:30 PM
I'd do my best southern drawl (which ain't very good, truth-be-told).
"beggin' your pardon, ma'am. but that one don't get passed around here."

LOL!  Weís so close to the northern border that I think Iíd need to do the Canadian version instead....something like  ďsworry....Ē


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Queequeg on March 07, 2018, 06:21:33 PM
LOL!  Weís so close to the northern border that I think Iíd need to do the Canadian version instead....something like  ďsworry....Ē
I'm less than an hour from the CA border, and that's the only way I could pull off an accent like that.
No Southerner worth her salt would fall for my bogus drawl.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 08, 2018, 02:39:35 PM
I'm less than an hour from the CA border, and that's the only way I could pull off an accent like that.
No Southerner worth her salt would fall for my bogus drawl.
Ha. Yea Quee you could work on the actual saying too. I could rip out a few but I keep thinking they may be taken as inappropriate for here. :)


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Walkerman on March 08, 2018, 05:48:09 PM
One time, I had a guitar being set up by Tracy Longo .... he is sort of a local legend, does guitar work for Chris Hillman and the like.
When I got it back, he mentioned that John Jorgensen had seen it and asked to play it.  He hopes I didnít mind.  The only thing I minded was that I did not get to hear him play it.  Sometimes rules are meant to be broken.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 08, 2018, 06:34:14 PM
One time, I had a guitar being set up by Tracy Longo .... he is sort of a local legend, does guitar work for Chris Hillman and the like.
When I got it back, he mentioned that John Jorgensen at seen it and asked to play it.  He hopes I didnít mind.  The only thing I minded was that I did not get to hear him play it.  Sometimes rules are meant to be broken.
That's called putting mojo in guitar! I'm lucky to know Thumbs Carllile's widow. She dug Thumb's Black tele out of closet when I asked about it and I played it a bit. It was originally George Harrison's. George gave it to Delaney Bramlett who in turn gave it to Thumbs. I was trying to suck some mojo from it. Didn't work that well as far as improving my playing, but it was an honor and just plain cool to have in my hands. J.J. would be the same. It usually ends up that I'll offer someone to play my guitar because most decent and thoughtful players won't just jump up and asked to play it. They'll just ask questions about it, obviously interested. I'll ask if they play, get a feel, and say "here, check it out".  If I'm playing and a stranger comes up and says something like "hey man, let me check out your guitar"....not. You shouldn't be shy about saying no. Even at church. They'll get over it and if they don't, that's their problem. They should be more respectful.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Queequeg on March 08, 2018, 09:32:46 PM
One night several years ago my job was to drive Roger McGuinn and his wife to and from the gig, wipe down his Rickenbacker 360 12-string after the show and place it back in its case and load it into my car.
Holding that Rick was like holding a piece of RnR history in my hands, thinking this right here is the reason I bought a Rickenbacker decades before.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: divertis on March 08, 2018, 10:04:52 PM
I have no problem lending my car to other people, but I do have one lending my guitars to newbies or people not knowing to handle an instrument properly. Whenever I feel there can be such danger, I bring on a second guitar, good one but less expensive and already beat up. Have fun guys, my Larri is resting in the hard case!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Walkerman on March 09, 2018, 01:20:55 AM
I have no problem lending my car to other people, but I do have one lending my guitars to newbies or people not knowing to handle an instrument properly. Whenever I feel there can be such danger, I bring on a second guitar, good one but less expensive and already beat up. Have fun guys, my Larri is resting in the hard case!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
When I am not playing my guitars they are in their cases, in a closet out of sight


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: mike in lytle on March 09, 2018, 02:42:14 AM
When I am not playing my guitars they are in their cases, in a closet out of sight
:donut :donut2 :coffee
When I am not playing my guitars they are in the (deleted) furthest down the (deleted) from the (deleted) to the house. Mostly they are on the (deleted), sitting on (deleted) or on the (deleted) also on stands, unless it is too humid or dry then they are (phrase deleted).
If someone comes to the house the door to that room is (deleted) and (deleted). The only remaining evidence to me being a musician is a (deleted) in the living room. I usually get a "oh you are a (deleted), and I reply, "well I used to be".
Mike


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 09, 2018, 03:01:50 AM
:donut :donut2 :coffee
When I am not playing my guitars they are in the (deleted) furthest down the (deleted) from the (deleted) to the house. Mostly they are on the (deleted), sitting on (deleted) or on the (deleted) also on stands, unless it is too humid or dry then they are (phrase deleted).
If someone comes to the house the door to that room is (deleted) and (deleted). The only remaining evidence to me being a musician is a (deleted) in the living room. I usually get a "oh you are a (deleted), and I reply, "well I used to be".
Mike
Just don't accidently delete your guitars!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 09, 2018, 03:09:13 AM
One night several years ago my job was to drive Roger McGuinn and his wife to and from the gig, wipe down his Rickenbacker 360 12-string after the show and place it back in its case and load it into my car.
Holding that Rick was like holding a piece of RnR history in my hands, thinking this right here is the reason I bought a Rickenbacker decades before.

That'd be cool! The Byrds were some of my first albums since I was 8 or so and I still hold Roger McGuinn as most responsible for my lifetime love of folk/country rock.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Walkerman on March 24, 2018, 03:34:26 AM
We had some of my wifeís family friends stay with us the past few days.  She asked me to show them our guitars with her visage inlayed in the headstock.  So I did.  I am showing them my newest, with our two sons inlayed in the headstock, and the guy says, can I play it?  Well, with my wife, her sister standing there, what could I say?  Sure enough, he whacked it on the case clasp.  Sometimes, crap happens and you just have to smile. I guess it is just mojo.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Barefoot Rob on March 24, 2018, 03:38:14 AM
No you don't have to just smile,I worked hard to get "MY" guitars and I don't care who you are don't touch my s**t unless I offer. :angry:


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 24, 2018, 05:39:19 AM
No you don't have to just smile,I worked hard to get "MY" guitars and I don't care who you are don't touch my s**t unless I offer. :angry:

Totally agree with that!


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 24, 2018, 08:54:12 AM
We had some of my wifeís family friends stay with us the past few days.  She asked me to show them our guitars with her visage inlayed in the headstock.  So I did.  I am showing them my newest, with our two sons inlayed in the headstock, and the guy says, can I play it?  Well, with my wife, her sister standing there, what could I say?  

No.

Everyone close to me knows my position about things that matter to me. I have their support (or they know better than to put me in an awkward position).

In a situation like this, my sister or someone else close to me would likely have said, "No, he doesn't do that" on my behalf.  

This kind of support takes the heat off everyone because it's stated as a fact, impersonal and not open to debate.

Quote
Sure enough, he whacked it on the case clasp.  Sometimes, crap happens and you just have to smile. I guess it is just mojo.



Sometimes crap happens, but it happens less if you anticipate and manage situations in advance.

Everyone I play with, and everyone close to me knows, when it comes to letting people touch my stuff, "he doesn't do that."

How do they know? I told them before the situation arose.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: JOYCEfromNS on March 24, 2018, 12:49:13 PM


Sometimes crap happens, but it happens less if you anticipate and manage situations in advance.


:+1: Recognize, prioritize and mobilize


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 25, 2018, 10:33:47 PM
We had some of my wifeís family friends stay with us the past few days.  She asked me to show them our guitars with her visage inlayed in the headstock.  So I did.  I am showing them my newest, with our two sons inlayed in the headstock, and the guy says, can I play it?  Well, with my wife, her sister standing there, what could I say?  Sure enough, he whacked it on the case clasp.  Sometimes, crap happens and you just have to smile. I guess it is just mojo.
Geez. Sorry to hear that. That one is special among special. I'm sure you figured that if that comes up again you'll say such and thatyou have another if they want to play. This ones for looking. (for others anyway)


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 26, 2018, 12:08:56 AM
I did a search on the phrase Recognize, prioritize and mobilize and was rewarded with several interesting articles.

Here is one of them.

Predictable Surprises: The Disasters You Should Have Seen Coming (https://hbr.org/2003/04/predictable-surprises-the-disasters-you-should-have-seen-coming)


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: George on March 26, 2018, 01:01:53 AM
Thanks for that read ST, it reminds me of so many business catastrophes that I either predicted or overlooked.  Either way my upper echelon was too busy to see them coming, even when they were warned in advance.  As a life lesson, I always take the worst case posture right up front.  Expect the worst and prepare for it.  Has never made me too popular, but mostly effective nonetheless.

Takes me right back to my initial reaction to this post.  Just tell them you don't let folks play your ten thousand dollar guitar...  sometimes even the execs backup to similarly related business comments...


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: eded on March 26, 2018, 01:36:42 AM
Takes me right back to my initial reaction to this post.  Just tell them you don't let folks play your ten thousand dollar guitar... 

Takes me back to my initial reaction to this post...  why do I need a guitar I canít have music (and mistakes) made on.

But, we all have different expectations and valuation systems.

Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

Ed


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: JOYCEfromNS on March 26, 2018, 10:26:17 AM

Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

The price point or inherent value (eg, family heirloom) is relative.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Paraclete on March 26, 2018, 11:29:07 PM
Takes me back to my initial reaction to this post...  why do I need a guitar I canít have music (and mistakes) made on.

But, we all have different expectations and valuation systems.

Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

Ed

I donít have a problem buying nice instruments.  When you have worked hard and spent a lifetime refining musical ability, why not?  But others should not be allowed to handle without permission and supervision.  And my point was that I donít let others play my instruments (with only a few exceptions). But I certainly am not going to give up fine instruments just because some people are jerks.  I personally do not have any solely investment instruments.  All of mine are players.  And my LSV-11 is nowhere near the price tag on some of Walkermanís customs.  Iíd have nicer stuff if I had the money.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on March 29, 2018, 10:53:14 PM
Hi Ed,

Takes me back to my initial reaction to this post...  why do I need a guitar I canít have music (and mistakes) made on.

But, we all have different expectations and valuation systems.

Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

Ed


I play all my instruments, and they all go out to gigs.  I've been told that I'm crazy-stupid to be gigging some of them.

That's my threshold. If it's too precious to play out, then it's too precious to own. And I don't think of anything around here as an investment. I have other vehicles for that.

There are some places where I'll only take guitars that are relatively easy to replace. Anything that's one of a kind  - well, I'm more selective.

But I don't torture myself with weighing each situation when it comes to letting others play them. It's unequivocally, a simple "no".








Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Barefoot Rob on March 29, 2018, 11:14:05 PM
Agree,If you can't take it to a gig and play the snot out of it then it useless to me.


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: eded on March 30, 2018, 12:19:23 AM
I donít have a problem buying nice instruments.  When you have worked hard and spent a lifetime refining musical ability, why not?  But others should not be allowed to handle without permission and supervision.  And my point was that I donít let others play my instruments (with only a few exceptions). But I certainly am not going to give up fine instruments just because some people are jerks.  I personally do not have any solely investment instruments.  All of mine are players.  And my LSV-11 is nowhere near the price tag on some of Walkermanís customs.  Iíd have nicer stuff if I had the money.

In my defense...  if I expect to play, I bring a guitar.  And, unless Iím at a guitarist get-together (where trying guitars is ďexpectedĒ), I donít even consider asking.  My guitars (Larrivee) are hardly ever the highest priced, but always get kudos.    :smile:

Ed


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: flatlander on March 30, 2018, 01:43:59 PM
Takes me back to my initial reaction to this post...  why do I need a guitar I canít have music (and mistakes) made on.
Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

Ed
I hear ya and my fancy old L is beat to crap from 40 years of playing out.  But in case like Walkerman's pieces of art with things like his own family inlaid on them. That's cool too and something to preserve and protect.
 


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Queequeg on March 30, 2018, 07:25:53 PM
Takes me back to my initial reaction to this post...  why do I need a guitar I canít have music (and mistakes) made on.

But, we all have different expectations and valuation systems.

Personally, if I had a $10k guitar, I wouldnít even play it...  and If I wouldnít play it, why bother owning it?

Ed
I was reminded of this quote when I read your post, Ed.
"Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Guy christiaens on April 04, 2018, 05:32:57 AM
My guitar is like my wife, you van look at het nut don't try toch touch her 😊

Verstuurd vanaf mijn Moto G (5) met Tapatalk


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: JOYCEfromNS on April 04, 2018, 04:06:05 PM
My guitar is like my wife, you van look at het nut don't try toch touch her 😊

Good analogy!  :thumbsup


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: ST on April 07, 2018, 05:38:33 AM
A woman can speak for herself about who gets the next dance.

My guitars need me to speak for them.



My guitar is like my wife, you van look at het nut don't try toch touch her 😊

Verstuurd vanaf mijn Moto G (5) met Tapatalk


Title: Re: Dealing with people who feel entitled to play your guitar?
Post by: Melodeous on April 13, 2018, 02:19:44 AM
My only guitar is a Yamaha CG110-CE classical with a cut and barn door electronics. Not a lot of people queue up for a shot at playing it.