Thoughts to start your weekend

[Walkerman]

-Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

-We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

-The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

-If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

-Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

-Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

-Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

-Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

-If sex is a pain in the arse, then you're doing it wrong...

-If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

-If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

-Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

-I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

-A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"

-The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

-God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

-The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

-The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

-Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

-You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

[ducktrapper]

 

[unclrob]

I live with those sayings every day.

[broKen]

 


Thanks for the medicine. I'll try to pass it along.

[teh]

Thanks for sharing.

Thoughts to end your weekend and start your new week.

An old farmer's advice

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't just happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker, you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

[Danny]

    Common sense is not common.

     "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows"

[L07 Shooting Star]

Never pee into the wind!