I haven't even played my guitars for weeks. I'm finally starting to get over the side effects of going back on medication. It should start working soon. I hate this!

Deb

myself no, but I've lost one to it.She was never on med's always had touble getting her to talk about things and I could never get her to get pro help.My guitar playing always made her smile.I stillmiss her to this day.Its been 12 years now.
How's the hubby doin.
This might be over steppin but if you ever need to vent I'm alwas happy to help.

I've fought it off & on since childhood. Sometimes it is seasonal, sometimes brought on by stress, and sometimes seems to appear for no reason at all. I finally gave in to the meds about 14 years ago. Wish I had done it sooner, so many things would have been so much better if I had. I hate the medication side effects, although some are not as bad as others, but the depression is much worse than any side effects. I don't want to put my family through it again.

To answer your other question, my hubby is doing very well. He's back to work almost full-time. Will preach next Sunday. Still gets tired more easily than normal, but otherwise much better. Thanks for the concern!

Deb

Deb,
I'm so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts. Email me if I can be of any help. I DO understand!
Tom

Deb you can rest assured you have the full support of the forum members here.  i lost a brother to depression and understand how deeply depression impacts the person involved including family and friends. We went through some difficult times but i know my brother is resting peacefully now and i still feel a sense of pride everytime i see the International Space Station knowing he put his finest engineering skills into it and how happy he must be to have the ISS as a neighbor.
i'm very glad to hear you're undergoing treatment as difficult as it can be but it is worth the trial as you already know and i'm glad your hubby is recovering so well.
Best wishes

I feel akin to those who struggle...I, too lost a sibling to depression .....a pretty 33 year old sister in '99.

I suffered a bout in 2001 and 2002 that had it not been for God, thru my wife (and several others) I probably wouldn't be here today to tell the tale.

Wyodeb, and any others here, put me on the list of those who will listen, and not judge. Anytime, just email me.

My wife(dancinskunk) deals with depression. Has been having a difficult time over the past year(knee injury, blood clots, loss of a job) It seems to run in her family(the females at least). Was worried for a while  that I might lose her(she was in hospital for about a week in Febuary) She's currently attended a day hospital and it seems to be helping. What makes it even tougher for me is that I work in the psychiatric filed and deal with individuals with depression- yetfeel so powerless and useless at home sometimes. I guess all I can do is be there with love and support and pray thats enough. After my divorce(10yrs ago-but seems like a lifetime) went through a period of deep depression and went through a period of a few months in and out of hospital. Sometimes I think it was only through prayers of my family and friends I made it through. I guess I am one of the blessed ones had a long episode of depression-but havent had since. I know my friends and family and least important my guitar have got me through some tough times since. Prayers out to You and family Deb, Patrick

Thanks all of you! I've been lurking a little, but haven't had the energy to write anything. Not to mention feeling bad about the neglected guitars, house, kids, spouse... Anyhow, this morning I woke up the first time the alarm went off, and actually got out of bed and got to work on time. I think things are turning around. I've been through this many times before, and each time I hope it's the last time. My last one was 3 years ago! :)  God is good, my family is supportive, and the meds do work eventually.

Deb

Hey Deb,

Get well soon and keep us posted, sometimes it's cool just emailing someone and there are plenty of good folk here. :)  

Glad you're feeling a little better wyodeb! I get a little blue at times myself, but I either pick up my guitar and just play random chord/arpeggio progressions or try and perfect that song that's been giving me trouble. By getting creative, I've found that I can lose myself in the music and build up my energy reserves. Be careful, though - sometimes it's at the expense of a good night's sleep! ;)

Deb really glad that today started better,keep the hope's high as I know your faith is.Don't forget your extended family is right behind you at all time's. :)  

I think it is very brave of you to share it with people that you really dont know--although I DO think this is a great group here.
I can also recommend the creative outlet.  (Art teacher for 14 yrs.)  Have you tried clay?  I have found many troubled youngsters, and adults, that respond to the tactile, fundamental earthiness of having one's hands in clay--even if you dont "make" anything.  My boy shows signs of ADHD, but he will come with me and work in the clay studio for 5 hrs. at a time!  Or a big stick of charcoal on a large sheet of paper and go at it...Art Therapy.
As far as the meds go, can you go the "alternative" route?Something "natural"/homeopathic that wont give you those heebie-jeebies.
Just a few sincere suggestions.  :)  

Just another person showing support for you. There's nothing I can say that will help in a real way but I hope you continue to get better.
I would encourage you to open up to others in group discussions, here, your family, or perhaps your church family if you regularly attend church. The fact you're open to talking about is a great sign!

Joe

Battling, struggling and winning! Ask your Dr. about Effexor. Miracle drug! The only side effects I've noticed are actually quite pleasant. Like Ibrahim says in Father Ibrahim, happiness begins with smiling. Keep smiling!    :)  :lol:  ;)  

I can't take Effexor, but I do pretty well on Wellbutrin.

In reply to a post upstream, I'm not really brave talking about this. It's a fact of life for me, like high blood pressure or diabetes is for others. I shared it with the forumites partially as a way of explaining my prolonged absence. It's tough for me to do anything when I'm at my worst. Now that I'm starting to feel better, I'm re-entering the world (physical & virtual).

We're quite active in church (MDH is a pastor), and that helps, too, although God seems very far away when I'm depressed.

I appreciate the support, & value this community. I'm going to try some guitar playing this evening after work, now that I don't feel quite so much like I'm swimming through molasses. :)

Deb

I Feel for ya Deb and can understand how you feel Try putting on some of your favorite prasie and worship music and see if that helps a little there have been times when I have felt that way and more often then naught putting on some prasie and worship music always seem to work for me  :)   Hang in there and will keep you in my prays.

Steven  

I keep reminding myself that all consciousness is chemical. All emotional and mental processes are a chemical reaction. Wrong chemicals, improper balance, I start toying with the steak knives. Kidding. I think. Anyway, it IS like other diseases. Malfunctioning serotonin production units instead of not enough insulin. Filthy kismet! SSRI's are not NOT truly antidepressants. They are serotonin levelers.
Anyway, I play my guitars every day. Whether I want to or not, I know they need it.  :)  

I was givin Wellbutrin last year when after 40 years I tried to quit smokin.I hope the side effects for you aren't to bad.I couldn't sleep and I started having trouble focusing on project's like soldering and reading in general.Had to stop taking it.Still haven't quit smoking but I'm workimg on it.

Deb,

I'm glad you're doing better.  You are in my thoughts.  I think I understand to a degree.  My father was diagnosed with diabetes.  As a side effect of many medications and his new diagnosis, he went into a deep depression.  He lost his job because he just couldn't function at work.  

He has been getting better.  He has found a job with a better environment for him.  He sails his boat on the lake.  He plays my guitar occasionally.  He is always with friends and family.  He has found the therapy that works for him.        

I wish you all the best, Deb.  Keep playing.  

Rob

I'm doing much better this week. The side-effects have subsided, and I'm feeling more energetic. I've had all the guitars out (even took the Big Baby Taylor to the church picnic today--I don't worry about it as much as I do my OM) The playing has been therapeutic. I think I'll call my teacher and resume my lessons in the next week or so.

Thanks for the prayers and good wishes.

Deb :D  

Really glad to hear your doin better.I'm sure your guitars are glad that mom's back and playin again.

Nice to hear things are better Deb, all the rocks in the road makes life hard but keep the faith and toss them aside one at a time and keep on strummin'
B)  

Deb:
A couple of years ago I realized that I suffer from depression. Took my college age daughter's own diagnosis of her own condition. I started thinking about my own life, and man, I figured I must have it, too.

So did the doctor. Not even a question. Definite.

Medication has helped a lot. My kids are getting used to having a new dad - the old one got angry quick, and had lots of other problems. The new one, well, is wrong once in a while! It's hereditary, my mother suffered from depression, and 3 of my 4 kids have it to some extent.

I'm happy to hear that you're coping and working at getting better. As soon as you can, get back to your music! It'll help a lot!

i sort of stumbled on to this thread. glad i did.  seems like a lot of us have the big D. i've had an immune/neorological disorder for 10 years (this last april),,,the first three i suffered severe depression. strumming my guitar (and Celexa ;) ) helps.  i don't have a lot of wisdom on the matter, but family support and oddly enough meditation (and medication) helped get me through. God does seem far away during those times, but i don't believe it's true.  we are pretty complex creatures, there's just a lot going on up there. i'm glad to see this kind of support and nice comments when a fellow forumite(s) isn't feeling well. glad you are feeling better Deb.
russ

My pastor and Doctor at my church wrote a book on depression.  

It contains 30 short (4-5 pages) chapters.  One part of each chapter is about the mental/spiritual part of depression and the other takes a look at medical causes and solutions for depression.  

I have talked with those who have read it and they said it has been a great help.

It is a Christian book, but it doesn't say that you can just "pray away" your depression.  It seems to give real solutions for the body, mind, and soul.  

I am reading it right now, so that I can try and understand how depression effects people.

Here is a link, but may can find it at your local Barnes and Noble.

http://www.overstock.com/cgi-bin/d2.cgi?PA...&cid=25608&fp=F (http://www.overstock.com/cgi-bin/d2.cgi?PAGE=PRODUCT&PROD_ID=339453&cid=25608&fp=F)

QuoteIt is a Christian book, but it doesn't say that you can just "pray away" your depression.  It seems to give real solutions for the body, mind, and soul.

I'm glad it doesn't say you can just "pray it away" because if you try to do that, and still are depressed, it just saddles a person with another layer of guilt and doubts (Is my faith not strong enough? Does God not hear me when I pray... Did I do something to deserve this?)--sometimes God's answer to prayers for help includes the medication as well as supportive Christian community, friends, family, pets, music... The medication begins the process of healing for me, which can then include the above-mentioned help.

Deb

wyodeb, you're exactly right.  i actually went through the pray away thing myself, and ended up coming to your conclusions. could be an interesting book,,,thanks mnewton for mentioning it.  it is interesting how depression affects people.

I've had depression all my life. And recently I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Not pleasant but I thank God for anti-depressant meds and mood stabalizers. They have literally saved my life I believe. So there can be good news for those of us with either clinical depression or bipolar. Unfortunately for most of us it means a lifetime of medication. But in my case I welcome them.    

Thanks for your referral MaRio. There are those of us though whose conditions are the result of a chemical imbalance which is radically "balanced" with medication. I know the power of prayer and consider myself a spiritual person. I also know that I am free of my affliction through the use of medication.  

I watched a news report the other day that claimed the anti-depressant drugs can cause increased suicidal tendancies.....specifically when you stop taking the meds. Wow! Now that's scary. Makes sense, but SCARY!

My best friend's husband tried to kill himself yesterday. He won't accept treatment or counseling for his depression--it is everyone else's problem, not his. Untreated depression is dangerous, disabling, and difficult for everyone involved!

Deb

Oh, my! And they're suffering with no end in sight!

I don't think the medication is what makes people suicidal. There were times I'd feel absolutely fine but say to myself, " If I had a gun..." It's like the movie asked, "What if this is as good as it gets?"
The medication helps stabalize your serotonin level but it doesnt' make you happy. That's still up to you. At least the playing field is level now.  
Fortunately, I don't own a gun and the answer to the $64,000 question is, it's not. At least for me.  

Wow, I just read this entire thread. Haven't been on this part of the forum much. Have only been on the forum for about seven weeks (when I ordered my first Larrivee guitar). I have found myself strangely drawn to what goes on here, as well as guitar information.

I lost my father to depression on Jan. 12, 1984. I loved him very much, no, I still love him very much. He was a doctor who had periods of depression (never diagnosed) and developed problems with alcohol and presciption drugs (probably trying to medicate himself, something to feel better).

After several rehabs he entered sobriety and became the medical director for a couple of rehab institutions, as well as maintaining his regular family physician practice. He helped bring many people into sobriety and was well regarded as being the instrumental factor in helping them. He gave classroom style lectures that explained the physical, chemical, psychological, and emotional aspects of addiction and would include his own personal history. I still have people who tell me, "I am here today, alive and sober, because of your daddy."

I guess my point is he was a wonderful, loving person with a faith in our Heavenly Father that was as solid as a rock. He lived his faith and passed it on to his children (along with my mother). He was a strong man with convictions who would never back down from what he believed in or thought was right, yet he also taught me that "sometimes it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight than to fight."

A month or so before Christmas of 1983 he became very depressed. My mother's mother had just died of a heart attack during Thanksgiving weekend and he had given her a physical exam several months prior and found no problems. She just had a massive heart attack. I honestly think that is what triggered it. I think he blamed himself and I believe he made some kind of comment or apology to my mother. Granted, depression is a brain chemistry disorder but this event seemed to change him somehow. On Jan. 12 he was gone. The whole thing just happened so fast. I had tremendous guilt. Down inside I blamed myself. I thought I should have been able to help him.

So my mother went through a lot in a short period of time but my family pulled together. Good friends helped.

It's been twenty years now and I still love my daddy. I miss him and I forgive him. I know that you can not ask yourself "why" because you will never have an answer. I know he was saved and I know where he is right now. I don't believe that was God's will for him but I know God's forgiveness is for everyone who accepts His son - no exceptions.

I don't know why I have written all this. I guess to say bad things can happen to good people. You have to believe that ultimately God is in control and "ooops" is not in His vocabulary.

Deb, I certainly don't mean to say that you can pray away depression or just trust God enough and it will be alright. I don't even want this to sound like some kind of sermon. I just wanted to offer my story in hopes that it resonates (like the guitars we love) the fact that depression is just an illness like many other illnesses. It can strike any one of us. We all deal with bad things in life - no one escapes. But love exists even in darkness. I'm glad you are feeling better. You seem like a person with honesty and that is a good and powerful thing. If I can help in any way don't hesitate to ask.

Bill


 

   

Quote...The medication helps stabalize your serotonin level but it doesnt' make you happy...

That's a very accurate and concise way of describing the medication Duck. Well done.  

I don't notice feeling "happy" when the meds start working, but what I do notice is the energy to do the things which make me happy. When I am depressed, all I want to do is sleep, or sit and stare at the wall. "Countin' flowers on the wall" isn't just a line from a Statler Bros. song! Everyone with this disease has their own experience. I just want people to be more comfortable talking about it, so they feel more comfortable seeking help--wherever they choose to find it. I refuse to feel stigmatized because my brain chemistry sometimes malfunctions.

I'm glad you chose to tell us your family story, Bill. I hope God will give you a chance to help someone who is struggling with the same things. I know my husband (a pastor) is more able to counsel depressed parishioners and their spouses because of what we have been through.

Hugs!
Deb

Dumb ? but what are some of the symtoms?

You go girl! I'm really glad to hear you are feeling better. I think we all have our demons. You just happen to be able to bring yours out for all to view. Keep it up. Those emotional monsters don't do well in the light.