-Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

-Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

-We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

-The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

-If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

-Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

-Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

-Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

-Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

-Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

-If sex is a pain in the arse, then you're doing it wrong...

-If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

-If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

-Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

-I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

-A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

-I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said "Implants?"

-The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

-God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

-The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

-The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

-Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

-You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 :smile:

I live with those sayings every day.

 :roll


Thanks for the medicine. I'll try to pass it along.

Thanks for sharing.

Thoughts to end your weekend and start your new week.

An old farmer's advice

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't just happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker, you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

    Common sense is not common.

     "Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows"

Never pee into the wind!